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M is the first letter of his second name which wasn’t the name I usually enjoyed to call him, but I loved to call him just to keep the mystery i had built around his identity alive.
In a bid to impress, I did things I would normally consider lame, things I wasn’t proud of, things that robbed me of my esteem and left me washed up by the banks of life’s shores seeking refill.
Cared less about my pride because, pride is an obstacle between a person and that which his heart truly desires leaving you a shadow of what you ought to be. For you’ll find yourself becoming an empty soul feeding off the faux power pride gives to survive, while your inner person screams soundlessly on the inside, but your mind isn’t aware because it is too lost in the woods of your inflated ego; high.
Hate brewed in his heart and seeped out his eyes anytime he stared because, to him I didn’t fit the grand picture, I wasn’t the ideal, I wasn’t up to par and the bar was way above my reach no matter how much I strained my ankles, and the heat of that hate on my skin I could feel.
Away was where I went, not just because I had to find the me I had lost in the process of trying so hard to please, but also because he said that that was where he’d rather I be.
Empty was what I was on the journey to finding myself, but I convinced myself that this was better than staying and being a presence of gloom and imperfection. I convinced myself it was for the greater cause of giving way for life to finally toss at him the perfect piece that fit right, a piece that wasn’t anything like me so he can have his fill of undiluted happiness.
L isn’t just the last letter of his second name which i rather called him because i had given his first name so much power that the mere whisper of it sailed me straight into an ocean of misery with nothing on but a robe of denial, it is also the first letter of what I felt.
Happy Valentines Day 💕💕
POSTED ON NOVEMBER 14, 2015 BY viveeyan